Although this blog is mainly aimed at college and university students, these questions also apply to anyone who is currently in a relationship or has just started dating. It’s not very clear-cut when you are new to this, and if you are studying at university at the same time, like I did, it will be challenging to make your relationship work.
There are many things that, if settled and discussed right from the beginning, will leave you with less trouble or misunderstandings in the future. They won’t be the same for every couple, but nevertheless, here are ten questions to get you started in making your relationship work and having a better mutual understanding of things.
1. What does the word ‘love’ mean to you?
Is it a feeling or a choice?
2. What is your primary love language?
Find out by taking this quiz, both you and your partner. Then, discuss your results. Are they similar? If not, it’s fine; ask yourselves: how are you each going to communicate each other’s language?
3. What do you expect from this relationship?
From your partner? In terms of time spent together, do’s and don’t’s, the degree of privacy, etc.
4. What should a healthy relationship provide for the people in it?
Compare your answers to the previous question.
5. How open do you want this relationship to be?
For example, are you comfortable sharing all the details of your finances? What are certain matters in which you would rather not involve your partner?
6. What are your life goals?
Dreams? Aspirations? Values? Let’s talk about them. If I’m a passionate, goal-oriented person, I want to feel some level of energy and determination coming from you, and vice versa.
7. Do we share the same vision of the future?
This implies: are we going in a similar direction? Can we work towards our goals together? For instance, an accountant and an artist can make a relationship work only if they envision to live the same kind of lifestyle.
8. Debate on abortion, domestic equality and marriage.
It’s fine if you are okay with having different opinions, but for some people, it could be a dealbreaker, especially if one is looking for a long-term relationship. In any case, it’s good to know the other person’s standpoint on those matters.
9. What do you think about sex? When, where, how?
This is what couples overlook the most. Talking about PDA and sex and your boundaries is SUPER IMPORTANT if you want to make your relationship work. Make your relationship work by knowing in advance if your partner is a virgin or has had an STI (sexually transmitted infection) before. And whether he/she is even interested in sex.
10. If I had to leave the country, would you still want to be with me?
Do you believe in long-distance relationships? After all, if you are a student, it will most likely happen: one day, you or your partner would want to exchange or transfer to another university for better options, or maybe one of you got a job offer that is miles away from your home. As students and young adults, it would be futile to reject life-changing opportunities. So then, what happens to your relationship?
There are many other questions you could ask your partner. This list is only to get you started. Feel free to make your own.
Hopefully, it will all work out in the end.
Your turn: Is there any question I’ve missed? Let me know in the comments below!
D. K. Waye.